|[ Shalom- Simply because you are my child and I am your Father ]|

I've attended prayer meeting yesterday!!! Actually I'm quite surprised when Nana smsed me on Monday and asked me to attend prayer meeting on Tuesday. Normally I wouldn't go for prayer meeting but I dunno why on Monday night, I have this feeling that I have to go for this prayer meeting.

Then yesterday when Nana told me that I need to serve as a vocalist for worship, I was quite excited but at the same time nervous. I have never served in prayer meeting before. Then Angie told me, "... It's a very very good experience.. see how God is going to use you today.. prepare your heart!.." But I just cant seem to prepare myself as I felt that something is going to happen. Just that i dunno what!..

Then came all the thanksgivings given by those who went to the Korean Conference. After that, Pastor Fucai got all of us to stand up and started praying. He told us to raise our hands if we want to receive the "Gift of Tongue". Initially I didn't raise my hand as I was afraid of that gift. Then Nana asked me if I have received it. I didn't know what to tell her but it seems that she knows. She told me "Don't be afraid, God is here."

Just like that and out of a sudden, I started crying. Then this is when Pastor Fucai said "All those who have not recieved the gift raisie up your hand. Those whose hands are down means that they have already received it." Straightaway, I know that God is speaking to me. I need to raise up my hands to accept Him. So reluctantly, I accepted. Nana and Weiming started praying for me and I felt the strength pushing me from both sides. This is when I started to fear again. I have lost my faith all of the sudden!

Then when Pastor Junhui came to pray for me, the fear is still there... the feeling is very strong! Then he said to me "have faith in Him... HAVE FAITH! Do not be afraid... open your mouth... do not pray in English... try and say the first word!..." So I started praying for my fear to be taken away and that I want to have faith in Him. The suddenly I felt this strength in me all around. I know that there are ppl with me praying for me. I guess this is where all the strength comes from! Then out of the sudden I can start to pray in tongues. The fear came again! This is when Angie came over and gave me a hug. I know that God has sent her to be with me as I felt that I have used up all my strength already.

Then when I reached home, Nana, Angie and Weiming all told me that "... there's more to come..." I dunno what has to come but this fear is still in me. And it seems to be rolling like a snowball.. bigger and bigger... But I just dunno how to say it out... I dunno how to tell them at all! Then Weiming smsed and said "juz now while praying for u, i felt his annointing greatly upon you, i believe God wanted to use you greatly. So dun be afraid cos if God is with you, then who is there to against you? May He reveal more of his plans to you." It suddenly hit me hard! Yes I know this is what God wants to tell me! But the fear in me has blocked all my listening and faith in Him. I just didn't know what to do at that point of time.

Even though I have gotten so many confirmation from God and the ppl around me, but I still cannot convince myself fully.... I just dunno what has happened to me! Lord if this is what you want me to have, please take away the fear in my heart. This is the first time I felt so fearful and I'm at lost.

I have found a new job! God's blessings are really huge!! I got this job 2 days after I quitted from my attachment company. Right now, I'm working in a Before After School Care cum Tuition Centre teaching a class of Primary Two Students. So far, this is my 3rd week there already! It's a really challenging job and it uses a lot of vocal strength. I guess this job is a pretty good training for me before I step into NIE.

Working in this kiddy environment has its pros and cons. Pros: you get to know more about their characters and learn a lot from them, like how to teach different standards of students, how to discipline different types of students etc. Cons: children sometimes will not think twice on what they are going to say and most of the times, it's very hurting. But you just have got to remind yourself that they are still 8 years old. They dun really mean what they say...

On Wednesday, when I got my kids to do a test quietly in class, one of them was playing and disturbing his classmates. So I pulled him aside and talked to him. This is what comes out from him: "Last time that teacher is better. She will bring us to the playground to play and we don't have to do so much work." I was really hurt about it and didn't really have the mood for everything. Their exams are coming and all I did was to give them some work to brush up on their studies. But this is what I've gotten in the end. But I was reminded once again by Weiming with this "dun give up because GOD HAS NEVER GIVEN UP ON US!"

This really hit me and made me realised that it's true! We may not have done everything that God has arranged for us. We may walk to the wrong path in life. We may do some things unconsiously that hurt Him. We may even say some things out of anger to Him even if we dun really mean it. But God has never given up on me! He is always beside me walking with me and holding me in his hands. The set of footprints in my life is not mine but His as He lifted me up and walk with me in my whole life. This is one lesson that impacted me a lot!

I want to continue to shine for the Lord!